Offering God An Apology – 1

This memoir of my life starts on one beautiful day of early 2012.

I had just joined Dar-ul-Ishaat as a web developer when God’s angel came to me and I saw a vision.

I saw myself sitting on a sofa in the lobby of some university’s dormitory, where my Monia, my soulmate, was studying.

In front of me was a counter and there was the Counter Guy standing there.

On my right hand was the door. A stupid guy entered, came down the couple steps and went straight to the Counter Guy.

He had come with his arms dangling in a disrespectful manner and asked for Monia.

The Counter Guy rebuked him and that stupid, ill-mannered guy turned around and went straight out.

That amazed me because I wondered “Who is this guy whose orders are obeyed by all and sundry?”

I looked at the Counter Guy to see his face but I observed that I was unable to see his face.

Then I woke up.

“We’re not allowed to see the face of God”, say the Jews.

I sat up and thanked God for saving my Monia for me and taking good care of her through all the years.

He had saved her for me despite my sincere request to marry her to a nice guy who’d treat her well after she had refused my marriage proposal in late June, 1997.

In fact, it was me who had asked her why she won’t go see her mom back in August 1996 soon after I met her for the first time.

She had pointed her finger to her eyes and said “al-Haman” (The neighbors will see me).

But when I slept with her, I took away her shyness because I don’t shy from nor fear bad guys.

Weren’t it these same neighbors who had rushed to save her from the assailants when they had heard her shouts for help and sent the assailants to 10 years of prison?

Weren’t these donkeys aware of Monia’s innocence and assailants’ fault?

Why should one fear or shy away from such idiots?

In the morning, a wicked idea came to me and I offered Monia to escort her till the main square of Immouzzer and she agreed.

Once we reached the turn of her street, I kissed her lips and she kissed me back.

We didn’t fear anyone. We didn’t shy from anyone. We kissed passionately in the main square of the little town of Immouzzer.

Nothing bad happened. No one objected. And why would they?

Weren’t we free people?

By next year, she got rid of all her shyness because I’d frequently take her out and she’d hold my arm. Once, she sat on my laps and we enjoyed a cup of tea.

Sometimes, we’d lip-kiss and show our affection to the world.

In a year’s time, I helped her get rid of fear & shyness and she fool listened to me, refused my marriage proposal and went back to her mom!

It was me who had spoiled our marriage plans!

I did that because I loved her so thoroughly and God had asked me not to take her away from her mom; otherwise she was going to miss her mom.

That’s why I don’t regret my actions.

I had advised her to go back to her mom for her own good because she had left her mom in Fes and had come with her aunt to Immouzzer.

But even after seeing that vision, I fool had failed to see the obvious.

That’s why God resent the angel (whom the Jews call ‘Gabriel’) and I saw the second vision.

I saw I was entering a gymnasium. Monia was the instructor and I was her only client.

She lied down on a blue mattress, threw her hips in the air as my wife, Saima, used to do whenever she enjoyed sex and said “Make love like this!”

Then I woke up and sat up.

I was at a loss to understand. I thought “Why God always asks me to love Saima? Why doesn’t He ask Saima to love me? And why was Monia copying Saima’s ways? Does God want to tell me that Saima no longer loves me? Why? Don’t I already know that?”

I mean what’s the point?

I was so confused. I just kept wondering about God’s strange ways.

Then I suddenly got it: God was telling me “I’m going to dissolve your marriage to Saima and marry you to your Monia”!

I immediately advised God against doing such a horrible thing. I presented my apology to God with all due respect.

I said “No, dear God, don’t you do that, please. Think about my children. I got little children and they’re going to miss their mom and cry “Ma… Ma! What will happen to my poor children?”

“So what should I do then?”, asked God, my Lord.

“Don’t do anything. I don’t want Monia, I want Saima because I got two children now and the children want Saima, not Monia” I said.

“But Saima doesn’t love the children. She uses them. She’s spoiled their school year. She distorts their minds by her continuous bickering & fights.” Said God.

“She indeed is very selfish & evil. Tell you waht. Kill her!” said I, offering God a better solution.

Continues  here.

Offering God An Apology – 1

Losing My Soulmate – 2

This memoir starts from  The Flight From Casablanca.  Thank you.

I gave that troublesome question due time and thought.

“OK. If Monia comes between us, I’ll shoot her dead” was my answer to God.

I mean what if she died in an accident as indeed happened in the movie City of Angels? What if she no longer loved me? She was useless without God, wasn’t she?

That night I was visited by the angel of God (whom Jews call Gabriel) and I saw two dreams.

In the first dream I saw I was in the backyard of a house.

There was a sauna bathroom atop several steps.

I saw Monia coming out of the sauna bath and down the stairs.

When she came down, I saw my mom. She held Monia’s elbow and showed it to me “Look, she’s clean now” said my mom.

I looked and indeed it was clean.

Then I woke up and knew she no longer suffered panic attacks nor shied from going to her mom.

I thanked God and went back to sleep.

That’s when God frightened me with a nightmare.

I saw I was entering a room. It had no furniture. Monia and her aunt were sleeping on the naked floor.

I approached Monia silently and touched her gently to ask her to come with me.

When she woke up and turned her face to me, she had changed and her face was very frightening.

I screamed and sat up awoke.

I looked around but thankfully, no one had awakened by my scream.

I knew she was going to turn down my marriage proposal and say bad things.

I asked God to give me a chance. I could convince her, I assured God.

He told me she was going to miss her mother.

I said I was ready to move to Morocco and not take her away from her mom.

He said she doesn’t understand my language.

I decided to buy a Moroccan course to learn her language.

I then applied for my 1997 vacations in late May. I bought some gifts and took checks of Dh14,000 ($1400) cash.

Telegroup refused to give me a coordinator agreement and instead, suggested I just do sales & marketing for them in Morocco.

That was totally unfair. They wanted me to market their services for free.

When I arrived Casablanca, I called Monia but she wasn’t home. Omar once told me to tell her “I’ve played this trick on others before you” in Moroccan.

But I knew enough Moroccan to understand what it meant.

Omar also introduced me to a harlot who offered to give me free below job but I showed no interest. Lustful girls freak me out.

Finally, Monia arrived back to her home in Immouzzer and we went to meet her.

After a few days, I proposed to her and she said “I know you’re married but want me to be your keep girl”.

That hurt.

I knew it was Omar who had asked her to say such bad things but didn’t she know I loved her?

She then showed me the brutal injuries she had sustained on her head and thigh and said something I didn’t quite understand at the time.

I gave the gifts to her aunt and also the cash and she blessed me and asked me not to trust Omar anymore.

I knew that already. That’s why I didn’t let Omar know of the gifts nor the cash.

I returned with a broken heart to Casablanca.

God then asked me to call Sue Pace of The Mail Post and ask her to forward the Sinclair videos to Omar’s address in Casablanca.

I opened the VHS tapes’ cases and put the reels in a black plastic bag and placed the bag in my suitcase.

I went downstairs to take a leak and I overheard Omar arguing with a girl on the ground floor.

When I returned back to my room, a girl entered my room and introduced herself to me, “Hi. I’m Khadija, Omar’s younger sister”.

I returned her greeting, introduced myself and asked her about her cousin.

She was engaged to her maternal cousin whom Omar despised and he had been trying to break that engagement and marry her to me.

That was his secret. That’s why he served me with honesty and that’s why he hated Monia and Immouzzer and tried to introduce me to Casablanca and its girls.

That’s why God had asked me not to sleep with any girls in Casablanca.

God my Lord is a jealous Lord. It’s good news that He’s so jealous that He never lets anyone use me for nefarious purposes.

Khadija was engaged to a cousin she liked but Omar tried to fool me, cut me from Monia and force his poor sister to marry a rich guy to earn some undue money from me through Khadija.

That’s why God is always with women, not men. “Hearts of men are evil and their minds are deceptive”~ Bible.

Continue  here.

Losing My Soulmate – 2

Finding My Soulmate – 11

This story begins  here.  Thank you.

Hayat was aware she was not the least attractive in my sight and she showed me her flat chest that looked like a man’s.

But I comforted her because men are the devils and know how to lead a girl to their altar of sex.

To cover my facial impressions of fear mixed with disgust, I turned off the light and did all the foreplay learned from watching porn but when I tried to fuck, I realized to my disadvantage that her legs were too fat to open up.

Because of the darkness, I couldn’t point my schlong correctly and just fucked somewhere between her legs as best I could.

I fell prey to my own wicked move!

Like any devil, I wasn’t deterred.

In the morning, I thought an idea.

I asked her to ride me because I had not felt satisfied in the night but she said she was too fat to do that and went away.

After the breakfast, Omar told me she had asked him to apologize to me on her behalf for not being able to straddle me.

“Hayat is a man and there’s a dearth of men these days!”

I declared because I was astonished by her courage to tell Omar what had transpired between me and her so candidly.

Omar found that very amusing. He laughed all day long at my predicament and I laughed with him.

We went out to tour Fes and swam in the springs of Sidi Harazem.

When we returned in the afternoon and Omar suggested more girls, I told him I was no longer interested in girls. I suggested just touring around and going back home.

My sudden change of mood, total lack of interest in girls and decisive tone took him by surprise.

He fell on his knees (not literally) and begged me to give him one last chance.

He said he knew what I was looking for and promised to behave himself and bring me a girl according to my desire and I agreed to give him a second chance.

Since last night, he had been fooling me and laughing at me to his heart’s content. Now it was time to get down to business.

From the beginning, God told him I was going to fall in love in Immouzzer and he had a secret reason not to let that happen.

He prepared a course especially tailored for me to instruct me about THE EVILS & PERILS OF FALLING IN LOVE, 1996.

He also asked me not to commit to any girl nor sleep with anyone more than once.

That was a strange advice for a guy who was in Morocco to find a girl to love & marry.

After finishing our lunch, he asked me to wait in the restaurant as the inner streets were not safe for tourists and went on The Great Commission: In Search of My Soulmate!

He returned tired and with a long face after a search of three hours and sat silent, looking at the floor, concerned and ashamed.

“It’s not a big deal, Omar. We’ll tour more places and then go home,” I comforted him.

We then walked home in silence.

When I entered the house, the lights were on. I looked back at Omar but he shrugged his shoulders. I thought maybe it was the landlord came to watch TV.

But my jaws dropped at the sight of a terribly beautiful girl sitting on the sofa.

I looked in astonishment and couldn’t believe God was going to give such a beautiful angel all to me.

“This is in lieue of Ehsan,” said God.

Omar immediately pulled me into the kitchen.

“Are you nuts?”, he inquired, surprised.

“They’ll think this man has never seen a girl in his life and that will scare them away. You looked like this” he popped his eyes and dropped his jaw.

I had turned out a lover worse than his worst fears.

“Oh, sure I didn’t look like that!!” (He had bulging eyes like a frog’s.)

“Oh, yes you did. Look, it’s the girl on the right that you like, isn’t she?” Well, that was true so I cooled down and agreed to listen to his advises.

“Her name is Monia. The one on left is Najat and the woman is Najat’s mother and Monia’s aunt. She won’t let her niece go with me but when I mentioned it was for a foreigner, she agreed but insisted on seeing you by herself.

“Monia was brutally attacked by some man and she sustained serious injuries and now she runs away whenever someone threatens her. The assailant was caught by the neighbors and has been sentenced to ten years in prison.

“She came to make sure you’ll understand her niece’s post-traumatic fragile condition.

“It’s up to you to convince this stern, iron lady. You’ll need all the good luck you can muster. Else, forget Monia.

“Now let’s go lasso some real damsels.”

Continue  here.

P.S. This blog post is dedicated to  Judith,  one of my best readers.

Finding My Soulmate – 11

My Promised Girl – Part III

This memoir starts from   My Cinderella.  Make sure you start reading from there. Thank you.

Now this is how the War on My Marriage unfolded.

After my return to Karachi on January 11, 2001, I started writing emails to my brothers, pissing them off by repeatedly mentioning God, His promise to marry me to a special girl and worst of all, repeatedly calling Saima “La Magnificent Saima” while signing my emails with Messenger of Extremes!. . ..(with emphasis).

I had no idea I had unwittingly chosen the very girl Hamid had met in early 1996, I guess, and fallen in love with.

I also was at a loss to understand why my brothers won’t show faith in God.

I just wanted to tell them about my journey with God and keep them posted about my news, as goes my habit.

In early February, I received the copy of an email from my Aunt Aysha in Canada addressed to my uncle’s wife, Ainy, telling her about the visit of a Canadian friend to Karachi looking for a wife for her son and asking my uncle’s wife Ainy to travel to Karachi to meet them there.

My Aunt Aysha said her Canadian friend had little time and busy schedule so she advised my uncle’s wife, Ainy, to hurry up and not miss the opportunity.

I found that email very disrespectful and wrote a very harsh reply to Aunt Aysha insulting her for writing such a poor English and scolding her very harshly for daring to harass a girl’s party to go see a male suitor.

I warned her she was paving her way to hell.

I sent a copy of my reply to Aunt Ainy.

Aunt Aysha then responded in fluent English this time and requested me politely not to use profanity and curse words.

I chose to ignore that response.

Women usually do not need too harsh a correction, do they?

She indeed never again dared to participate in any other conspiracy against her brother’s wife and some years later, she even sent me an e-friendship request on LinkedIn, which I respectfully accepted.

FYI, her husband had visited me in 1999 to offer me his daughter and sell me The Canadian Dream that I had respectfully declined but had nevertheless warmly served him during his stay in my brother’s house.

But Aunt Ainy still visited Karachi with her daughter, Safia, and surprised me because I failed to see the reason behind that visit.

Safia was a little different this time.

She was showing interest in me but it was a little too late for her.

Her mother, on the other hand, mentioned her desire to wed her to some Mujeeb, son of their neighbor, Habib, in Karachi.

I strongly agreed with Aunt Ainy.

When Abid returned from work, he showed displeasure to see the
guests whom he used to like before.

I and Safia went upstairs.

I wanted to give my brother free hand to conspire against me without any hindrance from my side.

At that time, I knew Aunt Ainy had actually come to meet my brother and talk him into blessing my marriage with Safia, instead of Saima.

Once upstairs, Safia hinted at her desire of having sex with me.

Unlike in Murree, this time she was willing but I kept our talk focused on Saima.

After many tries, she got frustrated with me and felt humiliated by my continuous rejection of her sexual advances and decided to revenge her

I totally understand her injured feelings but it was none of my fault. Was it?

She left me angrily and went downstairs.

I went back to my studies and when I came downstairs, I was surprised to see the guests had not been served dinner.

My brother’s wife asked me to eat dinner but I declared I was not going to eat unless the guests were also served food.

I slept without food that night.

In the morning, my brother’s wife served us breakfast and I only agreed to eat because the guests were also served.

Abid had once dared to question my eating after the announcement of the start of Islamic fast by the mosque.

I then went on an 8-months continuous Islamic fast from dawn
to dusk until all our relatives learned about it and strongly censored Abid for not giving food to his younger brother.

When I asked Aunt Ainy about Abid’s response after the breakfast, she advised me to stop thinking of marriage and to focus on my studies, instead.

This only added to my resolve because Abid seemed to be challenging me.

Instead of going to my lectures that Friday, I went to Uncle Izhar’s, where Aunt Ainy was staying and it helped restore her lost self-esteem because I had come to pay respects and make sure she was being served well and taken good care of.

This memoir continues  here.

My Promised Girl – Part III

Finding My Soulmate – 10

This story begins  here.  Thank you.

I was greatly annoyed by his wicked suggestion. In 1988, I had asked Abid to give Zohra whatever she asked but his Yeerk was too smart to yield to his wife.

My flight landed at Muhammad V Airport, Casablanca at 12 noon. I had not slept the night before so I went to sleep and woke up at 7pm.

I went out, took half an hour walk then returned back, crossed the street and stood beside a light pole to enjoy the magnificent view of the Atlantic Ocean opposite my Hotel Azure.

Two young men approached me and offered me a drink.

They were tourist guides.

I told them I was looking for a girl to marry.

Mustafa moved quick. He moved too quick, in fact. He took us to an apartment and the landlady agreed to rent us a room for Dh200.

Mustafa then went out to fetch a girl. He returned after 2 hours without success. He was frustrated for failing to find a single girl that night.

I don’t know which part of “marry” he failed to understand.

He asked the landlady to return the money but she refused and I let her keep the money, which added to his frustration.

The other guide had been watching silently.

Mustafa then suggested to go to Khunefra next morning “where no one is allowed to sleep without a woman,” he claimed with pride (& prejudice!)

The name of the city sounded like the Urdu word “khaufnak”, which means “frightening” and I’m a superstitious guy who fears to go places with wicked names.

I asked Mustafa about that strange city and he told me it was in the desert.

I also hate deserts and the wicked bedouins.

Sensing my dislike of Khunefra, Omar then jumped in and asked me if I’d instead go to Immouzzer, a scenic town frequented by tourists on a mountain top.

That sounded more like me and I hired him.

“Mustafa’s last name should not have been ‘Khalid’. His name should be Mustafa The Quick,” I commented to mock his lack of grace & civility.

We spent some time strolling and commenting on Mustafa’s habit of imposing himself on others, his consecutive failures followed by his frustrations.

Omar found my comments amusing & witty. We laughed together as Omar also found the ways of macho men to be stupid.

He dropped me at my hotel, gave me his phone number and advised me to leave expensive hotels and move-in to live in his parents’ house next day.

That was a royal reception and I accepted it with thanks.

After I moved-in in Omar’s house, his mother came in to check me out and I bowed down my face & worshipped her.

She was so impressed with my civilized manners that she asked Omar to cancel the morning train to Fes and prepared a special meal for me.

Omar was also feeling proud to see his first client having found favor in his mother’s sight.

We arrived Fes by train at night and after some research, Omar suggested spending the night in Fes to avoid expensive hotels in tourists’ Immouzzer.

We had our breakfast at Cafe Mamia and arrived Immouzzer by noon.

A traveling estate agent told us about Farook, a school teacher who was in need of some money to treat his mother, and we hired his house for Dh200 per night.

I told Omar I was looking for a girl who was nice and homely. “She should not be a drinker nor a smoker”, I found it wise to stress that because Omar was a heavy drinker & a chain-smoker.

He brought me two girls to choose from.

The first was wearing a T-shirt and shorts and had shoulder-length hair. She looked boyish and was drinking AND smoking.

She was looking at me with lust, which frightened me.

The other was a fat, black and short girl who had no breast and had some thin facial hair near her lips but she neither drank nor smoked.

I was confused.

I kept moving my eyes between the two and at long last, I chose Hayat, the lesser “man”.

I offered to heat some water for her but she declined to take a shower. She had a strong smell but she was my first date and I wasn’t going to lose my chance to lose my virginity.

Continue  here.

P.S. This blog post is dedicated to  Romy,  one of my best readers.

Finding My Soulmate – 10

Finding My Soulmate – 9

This story begins here. Thank you.

My elder brother, Hamid, is very secretive and never trusts anyone to his plans.

But he likes to brag about his achievements to intimidate us and to rule us like a Yeerk Controller.

Hence, his highly classified, unpunished “book”, The Necessity of Marrying Your Soulmate (1996).

In early 1995, he had asked me whether I ever had received a salary of 8000 rials. I went and kicked my boss’s big, fat ass and he raised my salary to 8635 rials per month.

But this time around, he found something he believed I could never find.

He first asked me if I had ever been sent on a business trip.

I had not.

He enjoyed that superiority for a few days.

He then asked me if I had ever fallen in love.

In my earlier posts you can read about my inglorious past.

And if you know my brother, you’ll also understand my decision to keep silent.

After spending some more days savoring the taste of his glory among the brothers & sisters, he thought of capitalizing on his successes like Abel, son of Adam.

He told me “If someone marries a beautiful woman, he will not fight her because he will have mercy on her.”

This was no ordinary achievement. He had stumbled upon THE most valuable find of the history of mankind without realizing it.

The Yeerk slug (a.k.a. Y-chromosome) in his brain had insatiable appetite for glory and it shows no mercy or sympathy towards the disadvantaged.

We both strove to find a solution to marital problems and it seemed like he had found it but he didn’t like anyone else to enjoy it.

He doesn’t find pleasure in sharing the joys of life with others. He rather finds pleasure in seeing others in agony.

So he enjoyed my misery for a couple weeks and then he decided to add to it.

He told me he intended to marry in the family. Cousin marriages are common & desirable in Islamic countries due to widespread domestic violence.

This meant yet another advantage over me, the only competitor left for him in the family.

God then told him I was going to find that girl-with-unmatched-beauty and marry her!

This freaked him out.

He waited a few days and then came to tell me a lie to keep me away from his treasure. He said “I think I’ll marry a poor widow so that she’ll always thank me”!

I was at a loss to understand his sudden change of mind. I thought his original plans were good while the new ones reeked of evil.

I had no intentions of marrying his lover but that’s how Hamid portrays me to my siblings.

In August 1996, it was the time for my vacations and by that time, I had given up the search for THAT GIRL because I had lost all hope in ever finding her.

So I prayed to God that “I found alcohol in Turkey (1993) and Jordan (1995) but I never even touched it because I could live without liquor.

“But I can’t live without women and I doubt going to heaven. So please give me the pleasure of women before I die,” thus I prayed.

He asked me to go to Morocco.

“It’s indeed a tourist country, Arabic and it’s small, just as God had been disclosing to me since 1993,” I observed.

But He asked me not to serve any Islamic ritual prayers or else, He wasn’t going to show me the girl He had liked for me.

I and Hamid weren’t much into ritual prayers anyway. We only used to serve Friday prayers.

“And if you also include a tour of Schingen Countries, then I promise to get you a business trip to USA,” said God.

I and Hamid had always dreamed of visiting USA since our youth.

I went to the Moroccan Consulate and applied for a multiple visa. The Consul came to hand me my passport by his own hand.

I then saw Safi there, my co-worker, Talib’s brother.

I asked him if he too was planning a tour of Morocco.

He showed me his Moroccan passport and told me he was there to get it renewed.

He thought he could help a fool who didn’t know they were Moroccans, not Palestinians, after all that time.

He told me the best girls were to be found in Casablanca and advised me not to waste my time elsewhere.

When I returned home, God told me “You’ll not listen to Safi’s advice and you’ll not sleep with any girls in Casablanca”!

That was a weird commandment.

I had failed such an advice about Istanbul in ’93, much to my loss.

But my God is a jealous Lord who doesn’t let me follow the wisdom of the world.

When Hamid learned about my plans to visit Morocco, he advised me to pay a visit to Zohra Kaluti in Rabat (and rape her.)

She’s our eldest brother’s ex-wife!


P.S. This post is dedicated to BeautyBeyondBones , for being one of my best readers

Finding My Soulmate – 9

Fall of Man

Long time ago, there used to live a certain woman.

Her name was Adah for she was exceedingly beautiful and dressed in ornaments.

A guy named Lamech showed lust in her and married her.

After his wife bore him Jabal, he took another wife and called her Zilla (rib) and followed the traditions of Cain and changed his name to Enoch.

He walked with God!

He “walked with God” for 300 years.

His wives had been going through a strange transformation and they had been changing.‏

He came to his wives one day and said, “Hear my voice, ye wives of Lamech, hearken unto my speech: for I have slain a man to my wounding and a young man to my hurt.

If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold.”

blah blah blah.

He claimed the holy Mark of Cain, the Baptism of Jesus Christ.

But what he failed to realize was that they were his wives’ soulmates and that’s why they had been transforming.

They didn’t believe their husband.

They killed “Enoch”!

Good took him!

How can a man claiming the Mark of Cain be a murderer? Cain killed Abel BEFORE marrying his soulmate. Seth killed none.

Enoch was a liar.

A liar and a murderer!

Fall of Man