Offering God An Apology – 1

This memoir of my life starts on one beautiful day of early 2012.

I had just joined Dar-ul-Ishaat as a web developer when God’s angel came to me and I saw a vision.

I saw myself sitting on a sofa in the lobby of some university’s dormitory, where my Monia, my soulmate, was studying.

In front of me was a counter and there was the Counter Guy standing there.

On my right hand was the door. A stupid guy entered, came down the couple steps and went straight to the Counter Guy.

He had come with his arms dangling in a disrespectful manner and asked for Monia.

The Counter Guy rebuked him and that stupid, ill-mannered guy turned around and went straight out.

That amazed me because I wondered “Who is this guy whose orders are obeyed by all and sundry?”

I looked at the Counter Guy to see his face but I observed that I was unable to see his face.

Then I woke up.

“We’re not allowed to see the face of God”, say the Jews.

I sat up and thanked God for saving my Monia for me and taking good care of her through all the years.

He had saved her for me despite my sincere request to marry her to a nice guy who’d treat her well after she had refused my marriage proposal in late June, 1997.

In fact, it was me who had asked her why she won’t go see her mom back in August 1996 soon after I met her for the first time.

She had pointed her finger to her eyes and said “al-Haman” (The neighbors will see me).

But when I slept with her, I took away her shyness because I don’t shy from nor fear bad guys.

Weren’t it these same neighbors who had rushed to save her from the assailants when they had heard her shouts for help and sent the assailants to 10 years of prison?

Weren’t these donkeys aware of Monia’s innocence and assailants’ fault?

Why should one fear or shy away from such idiots?

In the morning, a wicked idea came to me and I offered Monia to escort her till the main square of Immouzzer and she agreed.

Once we reached the turn of her street, I kissed her lips and she kissed me back.

We didn’t fear anyone. We didn’t shy from anyone. We kissed passionately in the main square of the little town of Immouzzer.

Nothing bad happened. No one objected. And why would they?

Weren’t we free people?

By next year, she got rid of all her shyness because I’d frequently take her out and she’d hold my arm. Once, she sat on my laps and we enjoyed a cup of tea.

Sometimes, we’d lip-kiss and show our affection to the world.

In a year’s time, I helped her get rid of fear & shyness and she fool listened to me, refused my marriage proposal and went back to her mom!

It was me who had spoiled our marriage plans!

I did that because I loved her so thoroughly and God had asked me not to take her away from her mom; otherwise she was going to miss her mom.

That’s why I don’t regret my actions.

I had advised her to go back to her mom for her own good because she had left her mom in Fes and had come with her aunt to Immouzzer.

But even after seeing that vision, I fool had failed to see the obvious.

That’s why God resent the angel (whom the Jews call ‘Gabriel’) and I saw the second vision.

I saw I was entering a gymnasium. Monia was the instructor and I was her only client.

She lied down on a blue mattress, threw her hips in the air as my wife, Saima, used to do whenever she enjoyed sex and said “Make love like this!”

Then I woke up and sat up.

I was at a loss to understand. I thought “Why God always asks me to love Saima? Why doesn’t He ask Saima to love me? And why was Monia copying Saima’s ways? Does God want to tell me that Saima no longer loves me? Why? Don’t I already know that?”

I mean what’s the point?

I was so confused. I just kept wondering about God’s strange ways.

Then I suddenly got it: God was telling me “I’m going to dissolve your marriage to Saima and marry you to your Monia”!

I immediately advised God against doing such a horrible thing. I presented my apology to God with all due respect.

I said “No, dear God, don’t you do that, please. Think about my children. I got little children and they’re going to miss their mom and cry “Ma… Ma! What will happen to my poor children?”

“So what should I do then?”, asked God, my Lord.

“Don’t do anything. I don’t want Monia, I want Saima because I got two children now and the children want Saima, not Monia” I said.

“But Saima doesn’t love the children. She uses them. She’s spoiled their school year. She distorts their minds by her continuous bickering & fights.” Said God.

“She indeed is very selfish & evil. Tell you waht. Kill her!” said I, offering God a better solution.

Continues  here.

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Offering God An Apology – 1

My Cinderella – 1/2

In late December, 2000, God sent an angel who told me “If you agree to visit Rawalpindi, then there’s a good chance that Uncle Irshad will help you marry a Pashtu-like girl.”

My ex-father knows that I got a taste for fair girls of mountainside.

My younger maternal uncle, Izhar, had suggested to me visiting his older brother with his children on the occasion of holy Eid Festival but I knew he was trying to marry me to his daughter, Khadija, 16, born in USA to get funding for his future plans to immigrate to USA.

My unintelligible ex-father had rejected his lucrative business deal.

When I went to jail on December 6, 1997, He had given me a tool to ask Him questions. I first used that tool to ask what He thought of me. He said “You’re a trustworthy guy who keeps his words.”

Now that He had not condemned me for my crime, I next asked Him THE question. “Why did You take my girl from me?”

To be honest, men don’t love God. We love women!

He said “We don’t take anything except to replace it with something better”. He promised me a Magnificent Girl.

I called her Wada (promise) because she was my promised girl.

Since I had promised my maternal Aunt Qudsia to take her on a tour of Islamabad and Murree, I asked her to join us but that freaked Uncle Izhar and he didn’t send his daughter with me.

He could have cared for his younger sister but he used to despise her for being a widow & poor.

At Station Rawalpindi, I found Uncle Irshad waiting for me with his youngest daughter, Memona.

But he never introduce us to each other.

After I had shower and some rest, he introduced his oldest daughter, Safia, to me.

Even a fool like me could understand he was offering to marry Safia to me.

Well, Safia looked good enough to me but she was not particularly interested in me.

I wicked used my tool to ask my ex-father about marrying her.

He said “She’s the best sister but she’s got a problem.”

What an ambiguous answer!

Didn’t I tell you my ex-father was unintelligible?

Saima, the middle daughter, had been following me everywhere without saying a word, confusing me.

I asked God “And what about Saima? Why does she keep following me?”

He shocked me when He said “Yes, marry her. She is The Promised Girl.”

But what about me? I thought she was a scary girl who beat children??

On the eve of Eid, we all went for shopping. I bought Eid Greeting cards for everyone but I got stuck when I found a “Greetings, Aunt” card.

I looked around and found scary, silent Saima right behind me.

I asked her whether to buy an Aunt-Greeting card or a Happy Eid card for our aunt.

She picked a card, handed it to me and ran away. Strange girl!

I looked at the card.

It said “I Love You”!

But I was wise enough not to trust a child-beating girl. It could have been a trap.

I bought that card and a simple “Eid Greeting” card for my aunt.

Better safe than sorry!

The women & girls were buying bangles. I stepped aside lest a woman bumps into me in that narrow, crowded alley and serves me a free, undeserved slap.

I was standing beside a stall in which I saw a beautiful ring and my ex-father asked me to buy it.

It was a cheap, Rs10 thing.

I cursed the shopkeeper in my heart and slipped that cheap thing in my pocket.

I knew the child-beating Saima wasn’t going to accept that ring.

When I returned home, I put that dangerously cheap ring on the refrigerator. Saima used to cook all meals so she was going to see it and pick it up — if she accepted it.

She didn’t pick it up.

Aunt Qudsia did.

She tried it on all her fingers but it fit none. She gave it to my Uncle’s wife but it fit none of her fingers, either.

Nusrat, landlord’s daughter was there. She also tried but failed. That intrigued her.

She was witty and realized it was a special ring.

She took it upstairs and showed it to her visiting sister, Nuzhat. It was too small for her fingers so she gave it to her 13-year old daughter but it didn’t fit any of her fingers, either.

This story continues .here.. Thanks.

My Cinderella – 1/2

Adam & Eve

We all have heard this story. The oldest of stories. The scholars have been trying to decipher it but I believe we can never understand this story on our own.

However, I can tell you what this story means because Jesus explained it to me through a demonstration. My life is full of tragedies that explain Bible.

One story God blessed me with was my strange wife and her strange lover that explains the story of Adam & Eve.

Since the earliest days, my wife told me she was going to fight me. I tried my best to avoid the inevitable but I failed. For 12 years I tried to love my wife with all my heart & soul but failed. My false, man-made love lost to my wife’s holy love. Thank God.

After 9 months of losing my wife, God sent an angel and I saw a vision. I saw my villain. He was my brother, Hamid, who lives in Saudi Arabia!

I had married his ‘woman’, his soul mate and he silently sacrificed and also agreed to help me financially because that’s what God wanted him to do and he trusted God.

Then I told both my wife and my brother the secret of their strange attraction and they were shocked to learn the truth. Till then, they fool never knew the other also loved them.

Here is the truth: for each of us, God creates a woman from our rib. “Woman” means “from-man”,
perhaps the only true English translation of a Hebrew word, Ish-ah.

The story says God created Adam from dust and put him in a garden in the east i.e. in Greece. But Adam was lonely and God saw that it was not good for man to be sad & blue. He first brought all kinds of animals to Adam and Adam gave them names. And whatever name Adam gave to each animal, that was its name i.e. God liked those names because they were true and correctly defined each animal unlike English names.

Adam saw how each animal had a pair but he had no one to pair with. Then God sent a deep sleep over Adam, took one of his ribs and created a woman from that rib. A woman is not created from dust but from flesh & bone, despite what scientists will tell you.

Then God brought that woman to Adam to see what name he shall give to her. Adam said “Now this is a bone of my bone and a flesh of my flesh so I’ll call her ‘woman’ and I’ll call this woman Eve (Giver-of-life)”.

Why create a clone from our rib?

Because each animal is one species so a lion can pair with any lioness — both share same personality.

But mankind is not one species but each man is a different & unique person.

I love the blue color but my wife loves the pink color. So each morning, I paint my house blue and go to work but when I return home in the evening, I find out my wife has colored my house pink.

God created Eve to be a helper for Adam but my wife is more like a Pink Panther to me. We all have married strange flesh. We all have violated women’s rights. Hence, there will be no World Peace, despite UNO’s promises.

God said “Let’s create man in our image.. Man and Woman created them He” Does that mean God has a wife? No. As God and His son are one and indistinguishable from each other, never separated from each other, so He creates for each one of us someone to love and bond with for eternity.

That’s how the Original Script used to be and there was World Peace.

Then Sons of God (rulers) saw that daughters of (ordinary) men were beautiful and they married whatever women they liked (lust).

World Peace was lost.

And the problem kept compounding so God sent a Deluge to save women and World Peace was restored… for a while.

Now the kind of love between Adam & Eve is holy and strange that’s why none of us understood it. Not me, not my brothers, and not anyone else.

Hence, Jesus Christ explained it to me through my life’s stories.

My wife asked God and He advised her to marry me, not my brother, Hamid. She took great leap of faith and married her lover’s brother. She easily sacrificed her love for the sake of God.

Hamid put up a great resistance through other brothers and sisters but when he poor learned his Saima wanted to marry his brother, he helped us financially. This strange tendency to sacrifice makes this love even holier and deserves a separate post.

I will tell you more details and about the demonstration.

But is my explanation clear or is it still ambiguous? I’d like you to tell me what parts are ambiguous.

Thank you.

Adam & Eve