Offering God An Apology – 1

This memoir of my life starts on one beautiful day of early 2012.

I had just joined Dar-ul-Ishaat as a web developer when God’s angel came to me and I saw a vision.

I saw myself sitting on a sofa in the lobby of some university’s dormitory, where my Monia, my soulmate, was studying.

In front of me was a counter and there was the Counter Guy standing there.

On my right hand was the door. A stupid guy entered, came down the couple steps and went straight to the Counter Guy.

He had come with his arms dangling in a disrespectful manner and asked for Monia.

The Counter Guy rebuked him and that stupid, ill-mannered guy turned around and went straight out.

That amazed me because I wondered “Who is this guy whose orders are obeyed by all and sundry?”

I looked at the Counter Guy to see his face but I observed that I was unable to see his face.

Then I woke up.

“We’re not allowed to see the face of God”, say the Jews.

I sat up and thanked God for saving my Monia for me and taking good care of her through all the years.

He had saved her for me despite my sincere request to marry her to a nice guy who’d treat her well after she had refused my marriage proposal in late June, 1997.

In fact, it was me who had asked her why she won’t go see her mom back in August 1996 soon after I met her for the first time.

She had pointed her finger to her eyes and said “al-Haman” (The neighbors will see me).

But when I slept with her, I took away her shyness because I don’t shy from nor fear bad guys.

Weren’t it these same neighbors who had rushed to save her from the assailants when they had heard her shouts for help and sent the assailants to 10 years of prison?

Weren’t these donkeys aware of Monia’s innocence and assailants’ fault?

Why should one fear or shy away from such idiots?

In the morning, a wicked idea came to me and I offered Monia to escort her till the main square of Immouzzer and she agreed.

Once we reached the turn of her street, I kissed her lips and she kissed me back.

We didn’t fear anyone. We didn’t shy from anyone. We kissed passionately in the main square of the little town of Immouzzer.

Nothing bad happened. No one objected. And why would they?

Weren’t we free people?

By next year, she got rid of all her shyness because I’d frequently take her out and she’d hold my arm. Once, she sat on my laps and we enjoyed a cup of tea.

Sometimes, we’d lip-kiss and show our affection to the world.

In a year’s time, I helped her get rid of fear & shyness and she fool listened to me, refused my marriage proposal and went back to her mom!

It was me who had spoiled our marriage plans!

I did that because I loved her so thoroughly and God had asked me not to take her away from her mom; otherwise she was going to miss her mom.

That’s why I don’t regret my actions.

I had advised her to go back to her mom for her own good because she had left her mom in Fes and had come with her aunt to Immouzzer.

But even after seeing that vision, I fool had failed to see the obvious.

That’s why God resent the angel (whom the Jews call ‘Gabriel’) and I saw the second vision.

I saw I was entering a gymnasium. Monia was the instructor and I was her only client.

She lied down on a blue mattress, threw her hips in the air as my wife, Saima, used to do whenever she enjoyed sex and said “Make love like this!”

Then I woke up and sat up.

I was at a loss to understand. I thought “Why God always asks me to love Saima? Why doesn’t He ask Saima to love me? And why was Monia copying Saima’s ways? Does God want to tell me that Saima no longer loves me? Why? Don’t I already know that?”

I mean what’s the point?

I was so confused. I just kept wondering about God’s strange ways.

Then I suddenly got it: God was telling me “I’m going to dissolve your marriage to Saima and marry you to your Monia”!

I immediately advised God against doing such a horrible thing. I presented my apology to God with all due respect.

I said “No, dear God, don’t you do that, please. Think about my children. I got little children and they’re going to miss their mom and cry “Ma… Ma! What will happen to my poor children?”

“So what should I do then?”, asked God, my Lord.

“Don’t do anything. I don’t want Monia, I want Saima because I got two children now and the children want Saima, not Monia” I said.

“But Saima doesn’t love the children. She uses them. She’s spoiled their school year. She distorts their minds by her continuous bickering & fights.” Said God.

“She indeed is very selfish & evil. Tell you waht. Kill her!” said I, offering God a better solution.

Continues  here.

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Offering God An Apology – 1

My Strange Divorce – 9

This memoir starts from  My Cinderella.  Thank you.

Now I had read Bible thrice and understood very little of it by that time so I told Jameel that according to Torah, a divorce had to be in writing, hence there was no need of a Halala.

I told him his sister was still married and could go back to her husband and there was no need for wasting money on marrying her to me and then, after I divorce her, marrying her back to her husband.

Those who have cared to read my memoir series titled FINDING MY SOULMATE already know how I had tried to find a cheating wife in Jordan and how Jesus had prevented me from doing that, and still had punished me for thinking about it.

I find this wicked habit of Jesus of first not allowing me to commit a sin and then punishing me for thinking of it very amusing and I enjoy His punishments and like to tell the world about my failed attempts at sin and Jesus’s punishments.

Jameel listened politely to my lecture in God’s ways and went away light-hearted. I thought he had understood and agreed with me and was no longer interested in a halala.

In September, 2014, I once earned Rs220 but my boss kept all money and only gave me Rs50. He used to give me 33% while others used to give 50% and also treat their workers in a nice way.

I once told him about my financial troubles and he promised to give me 50% but he had said that to cheat me.

I went home on foot to save money. I used to eat Paratha, a delicious oily bread, which was the cheapest food.

Only single men eat dinner at restaurants.

On that night, Waqar, the owner of that restaurant, decided to talk me into marrying his sister as I look like an attractive suitor for everyone and my poverty only adds to my attractiveness.

But he failed to show respect for his poor sister.

“We need a man for the ‘night job'”, that’s how he put it and I felt disgusted.

He realized his rudeness and asked me to talk to his father in the morning.

I had no interest in getting married because the torture I had suffered on my wife’s hands during my 12 years of marriage.

But my wicked boss had robbed me of a lot of money and I was left with only Rs7 on me. I was Rs3 short for a bus ticket to my office.

It’s very hot during the day and very inconvenient to walk the 3 km (2 miles) to the Real Estate office.

So I went to the Cafe al-Hasan nearby my house and met Ibrahim, Waqar’s father.

I told him I came because I was Rs3 short of a bus ticket back to office.

His son had briefed him about me and my disgust of calling marriage “the night job”. So he decided to cover up his son’s mistake.

“Waqar is my oldest son and I didn’t let him complete his education and instead, let him work with me. His younger brothers are getting education and it hurts me to see him without any degree.

“I work the day shift while Waqar works the night shift. I need a trustworthy guy like you to take charge of the night shift so that Waqar can continue his education.”

That’s how he tricked me into not running away.

I’m an easily-confused guy so I was fooled into believing that I had unnecessarily misunderstood Waqar and by “night job”, he had not meat SEX but NIGHT SHIFT job of running their restaurant.

So I accepted to work for them and he offered me to eat free lunch and dinners besides Rs6000 salary.

He wanted me to work from 8pm till 8am, seven days a week for Rs6000.

God didn’t like such a punishing schedule for a guy who had no one to help him in his household duties.

So two weeks earlier, I had found a job as a school teacher in Dua Children Academy just behind Cafe al-Hasan.

I’m a jolly teacher who likes to entertain children and who also likes to tell them God’s ways and about Good and Evil.

One Friday, a nice adult student who had beard & mustache but was in class 9, asked me to come close.

He whispered in my ear “What are menstrual cycles?”

It’s not good to leave children unaware because they then ask their peers or go search Internet and end up on erotic sites and illicit sex.

“Each month girls lay a tiny egg. If it’s not used, their body gets rid of it along with a little blood and other nourishing fluids for the fertilized egg. For a few days each month, the girls bleed. That’s called Menstrual Cycle.”

I didn’t want him to tell these things to young children and confuse them so I asked him not to tell anyone else and he nodded in agreement.

This memoir continues   here.

My Strange Divorce – 9

My Strange Divorce

In the serialized memoirs titled  My Cinderella  and  My Promised Girl,  I made the assertion that my marriage to Saima was from-God, not from-men.

If such a bond isn’t holy, then what is?

Now in these series, I’ll show you why this bond is both holy and wicked.

In late June, 2013, I received an anonymous call. They were a software house who needed someone to serve as the contact person with their American client(s).

They had found my resume and contact details through Rozee.pk, an online job search site.

The timings of that job were from 7pm till 3am.

I wrote an email to my brother Hamid in Saudi Arabia asking him to help me buy a car as there was no public transport after 9pm.

The reply came from my God-ordained wife and it came harsh & swift.

She called me her “rude, disobedient husband” and withheld food from me.

She told me Hamid had sent no money in June and accused me of never earning any money, hence, she had no food for me.

She pulled the curtain of my door-less room, “locking” me in.

I was surprised & puzzled by her confusing statements and lies.

Having no access to money, I lied down silently in my room.

After a couple days, she showed me a statement of account with Rs13,500 in it — enough for all our expenses for a month.

She had at least nine more accounts.

“Why then she has no food for me? And why not give me a little money to join the company and earn more money?” I wondered because she made no sense.

After a few more days, she let me overhear her telling someone in frustration, “He doesn’t even die!”

I was at a loss to understand why she wanted me dead.

I tried to figure her out for some 30 days without success.

If you play tricks on me, I won’t figure it out and that’ll frustrate you.

After 30 days, I ran out of water and poured some drinkable water in my bottle but she moved all the bottles away.

I then decided to find some place else.

I put some clothes in a plastic bag, sold back a medicine for Rs35 and bought a bus ticket to downtown for Rs20.

I had worked in Darul Ishaat, an Islamic publishing house near Urdu Bazaar stop and there’s a restaurant there called Sabri Nihari who give their leftovers free to homeless tramps & addicts.

After 30 days without food, I tasted some leftovers and thanked God.

It was rotten food that poisoned me.

I went to nearby Civil Hospital and managed to see a physician in ER.

The free medicines solved my problem while the blood count report came clean.

I slept on the pavement because Darul Ishaat asked me to join them after Islamic Eid festivals, some 12 days later.

I went to the Civil Hospital next day also and annoyed the physician who threatened not to give me anymore medicines if I continued eating rotten food.

Left with no other options, I told God I was going to return home and ride the bus.

If the conductor complained, I’d disembark and return to downtown.

But he accepted Rs15 and didn’t complain, quite unusual.

When I knocked the door of my apartment, my wife opened and gave up her tricks and told me she just wanted me not to search for jobs in Pakistan and to go to Saudi Arabia as agreed with Hamid in December 2012!

I told her I never had any problems.

According to my wife’s wish, I then asked Hamid to send me Rs500,000 to buy an immigrant visa to Saudi Arabia.

I had no bank account so he used to send all money to my wife’s account.

But my wife won’t trust me and accused me of conspiring to humiliate her once in Saudi Arabia.

Again, if you play tricks with me, I won’t understand your implied message and frustrate you.

I wrote to Hamid about her delusions of paranoid but he rubbished them as immature complaints.

I asked him to send me Rs35,000 because my wife had again withheld food and money from me.

My wife stole my ID card so that I won’t be able to receive money from my brother.

When I asked her to return back my stolen ID, she also stole the rest of my documents, degrees and certificates and ran to her parents’.

Continue  here.

My Strange Divorce

30 Days Without Food!

In late June 2013, I received an unsolicited call.

It was a hiring manager from Genetic Solutions who had found my CV on Rozee.pk, a job-search engine, and invited me to a job interview.

I told my wife I had good chance to land that lucrative job.

But my wife created a great fuss.

She told me Hamid, my funny older brother, had not sent any money in June and she accused me of not doing anything to earn some money!

She told me I was her “one rude, disobedient husband”!

Then she withheld food from me for the next 30 days.

She wanted her lies to be exposed so she showed me a statement of account that had Rs13,500 — enough for a whole month!

She had at least 9 more accounts that I knew of.

When I told her in late December, 2012 I could talk Hamid into sending us Rs50,000 per month, she had told me out of excitement that she could save up to Rs25,000 per month.

Now that he had been sending us Rs56,000 per month since January, with one transfer of Rs83,000 and another of Rs75,000, she was telling me she didn’t have Rs800 for my food!

She also “forgot” to fire part-time housemaid and I wondered how come she had Rs2000 for a maid but not Rs800 for my food.

I’m no less a funny guy.

I’m never afraid of mighty bullies but I never argue with my wife and I didn’t fight with her for food.

After 30 days, I ran out of drinking water and she also withheld water from me.

I couldn’t live without water for long.

Luckily, her anger cooled off by August 2.

She told me she just wanted me (to not search for jobs in Pakistan and) to go to Saudi Arabia (as I and Hamid had agreed in late December 2012)!

While I was once lying hungry in the drawing room one day, where she had “locked me” by pulling the curtain, I overheard her telling someone in a frustrated voice, “he doesn’t even die”!

It had made me wonder why she wanted me dead.

This is how my ex-father, Jesus Christ, explained the disappearance of Enoch at the ripe age of 365: He demonstrated it to me!

My ex-father confuses past, present and future because they look the same to Him like someone watching a video recording of a movie for a second time.

Likewise, He confuses between “God” and “Woman”.

That’s because anything that a woman does is an act of God and also because Kingdom of God will come through women.

Men go through an evil transformation at early teens and change from Dr. Jakyll to Mr. Hyde.

Women are different.

They do not go through this evil transformation. They don’t harden their hearts and they cry like babies.

Enoch also went through that evil transformation and changed to Mr. Hyde.

He was a son of God (a ruler) and he was the first to marry out of lust (fornication) but after the birth of Methuselah at age 65, he found his soulmate wife (the woman God had created from his rib) and married her.

He didn’t divorce his first wife as divorce was not invented till 1250 BC by Moses.

This marriage gives men access to the Tree of Life and Enoch underwent a reverse-transformation. He changed from Mr. Hyde back to Dr. Jakyll.

Thus he walked with “God” for 300 years.

After 300 years, his sin found him.

His first wife found her soulmate.

That transformed her from Dr. Jakyll to Mr. Hyde!

This happened because she didn’t marry her soulmate after meeting him. She couldn’t.

Because she was already married to Enoch.

So she killed the asshole!

Or we can say God took Enoch.

It’s the same thing, isn’t it?

Thus, even women had become violent before the Deluge of Noah and these lustful marriages and subsequent violence was on the rise.

Only Noah and his children were married to their soulmates.

I, on the other hand, thanked God for helping me lose 13 kg (29 lbs) of fat in 30 days!

I always find a reason to thank God, don’t I?

30 Days Without Food!

Adam & Eve

We all have heard this story. The oldest of stories. The scholars have been trying to decipher it but I believe we can never understand this story on our own.

However, I can tell you what this story means because Jesus explained it to me through a demonstration. My life is full of tragedies that explain Bible.

One story God blessed me with was my strange wife and her strange lover that explains the story of Adam & Eve.

Since the earliest days, my wife told me she was going to fight me. I tried my best to avoid the inevitable but I failed. For 12 years I tried to love my wife with all my heart & soul but failed. My false, man-made love lost to my wife’s holy love. Thank God.

After 9 months of losing my wife, God sent an angel and I saw a vision. I saw my villain. He was my brother, Hamid, who lives in Saudi Arabia!

I had married his ‘woman’, his soul mate and he silently sacrificed and also agreed to help me financially because that’s what God wanted him to do and he trusted God.

Then I told both my wife and my brother the secret of their strange attraction and they were shocked to learn the truth. Till then, they fool never knew the other also loved them.

Here is the truth: for each of us, God creates a woman from our rib. “Woman” means “from-man”,
perhaps the only true English translation of a Hebrew word, Ish-ah.

The story says God created Adam from dust and put him in a garden in the east i.e. in Greece. But Adam was lonely and God saw that it was not good for man to be sad & blue. He first brought all kinds of animals to Adam and Adam gave them names. And whatever name Adam gave to each animal, that was its name i.e. God liked those names because they were true and correctly defined each animal unlike English names.

Adam saw how each animal had a pair but he had no one to pair with. Then God sent a deep sleep over Adam, took one of his ribs and created a woman from that rib. A woman is not created from dust but from flesh & bone, despite what scientists will tell you.

Then God brought that woman to Adam to see what name he shall give to her. Adam said “Now this is a bone of my bone and a flesh of my flesh so I’ll call her ‘woman’ and I’ll call this woman Eve (Giver-of-life)”.

Why create a clone from our rib?

Because each animal is one species so a lion can pair with any lioness — both share same personality.

But mankind is not one species but each man is a different & unique person.

I love the blue color but my wife loves the pink color. So each morning, I paint my house blue and go to work but when I return home in the evening, I find out my wife has colored my house pink.

God created Eve to be a helper for Adam but my wife is more like a Pink Panther to me. We all have married strange flesh. We all have violated women’s rights. Hence, there will be no World Peace, despite UNO’s promises.

God said “Let’s create man in our image.. Man and Woman created them He” Does that mean God has a wife? No. As God and His son are one and indistinguishable from each other, never separated from each other, so He creates for each one of us someone to love and bond with for eternity.

That’s how the Original Script used to be and there was World Peace.

Then Sons of God (rulers) saw that daughters of (ordinary) men were beautiful and they married whatever women they liked (lust).

World Peace was lost.

And the problem kept compounding so God sent a Deluge to save women and World Peace was restored… for a while.

Now the kind of love between Adam & Eve is holy and strange that’s why none of us understood it. Not me, not my brothers, and not anyone else.

Hence, Jesus Christ explained it to me through my life’s stories.

My wife asked God and He advised her to marry me, not my brother, Hamid. She took great leap of faith and married her lover’s brother. She easily sacrificed her love for the sake of God.

Hamid put up a great resistance through other brothers and sisters but when he poor learned his Saima wanted to marry his brother, he helped us financially. This strange tendency to sacrifice makes this love even holier and deserves a separate post.

I will tell you more details and about the demonstration.

But is my explanation clear or is it still ambiguous? I’d like you to tell me what parts are ambiguous.

Thank you.

Adam & Eve