Offering God An Apology – 2

Note: This is the second part. Read the first part  here.  Thanks for your understanding.

“This way, we’ll get rid of this evil woman. But her death must be an accident. Let a bus run her over but save me and my children; let only Saima die and let not my name be tarnished. When I’d tell my uncle (her father), he must see clearly that God killed her because she was very evil.” I prayed.

After this apology, I spent many weeks and months contemplating Saima’s accidental death; reviewing its all sides. I imagined the funeral, the burial and behold, everything was to my satisfaction.

When months passed with me dreaming of Saima’s death, God then surprised me with a simple question.

He asked me “And will you be able to take care of these children?”

It felt like a 440-volt jolt. I said “No, dear God! Don’t you kill Saima please. I gave you a very wrong and stupid advice. Thank you for not listening to my stupid apology but having done Your will.

“More than once I told Saima ‘Only you can take care of the children. If you leave them to me, they’ll surely die’!”

God then asked me “Then tell Me what should I do?”

I pondered for several days and then asked God “Please tell me some trick that’ll kill Saima’s evil and she’ll return back good as before.”

God asked “Have you left any effort or trick not tried?”

I thought very hard but I couldn’t think of anything more I could do. I gave her love but the more I loved her, the more she hated me. Finally, I got mad at her and said “Your condition is like ‘The illness increased as the medicine was administered’!”

Then I tried to reason with her but she kept her crooked ways. Finally I got pissed off and said “I wish I had a magical hammer & nail. Then I’d hammer down my explanation in your head”!

Then I tried figuring out who was corrupting her. I asked her “Does your mother corrupt you?” She shook her head in disagreement.

I then asked her “Does your father corrupt you?” She again shook her head in disagreement.

“Does your sister, Memona, corrupt you?” but she shook her head in disagreement.

“Does your brother, Mubashir, corrupt you?” She then got frustrated and said “It’s not me who’s under evil influence. It’s you who’s been listening to others”!

Stupid woman. She was blaming me for listening to God!

Then I tried to convince her she was getting attacks of hysteria. “It happens with all the stresses of life,” I said. I told her she needed to see a good shrink. I offered to show myself to him also and take my part of the medicines so that she won’t shy from people calling her “insane”. But she answered “It’s not me who’s crazy. It’s you who’s nuts.”

Stupid woman. She was calling my gentle ways “insanity”! She wanted me to just beat her every time she behaved like a bi*ch!

What a strange woman!

I also tried to turn her to God but she used to hate God. She used to greatly dislike my Bible reading and she used to hate my habit of asking God questions.

I then got mad one day and told her “The devil and women are created from the same piece of dust!”

Another time, I said “You’re now completely rotten.” Another time, I told her “The children need a good mother.”

Therefore, I asked God in return “I’ve tried all I could but have failed to correct this strange woman. I’ve tried to give her love. I’ve tried to reason with her. I’ve tried to threaten her. I even have tried beating her, apologizing to her but she has turned into a very stubborn thing. What else do you think I can try?”

God said “You’ve exhausted all options. You can do nothing more. Tell Me what should I do?”

I put all my brains to it. Finally, I thought of a novel idea. I asked God “Don’t kill Saima nor tolerate her evil anymore. Instead, think of some way whereby she’ll keep evil, but I and my children will be somehow saved from her evil.” For several months, I spent time thinking about this intelligent idea. As the time passed, I got convinced my suggestion was very good. This time around, I had given consideration to everything.

Then one day, my wife shut the door on my face, effectively dissolving our marriage!

I asked God “What have you done, God? What will happen to my children?” God said “It’s what I told you two years ago through the dreams but it took you two years to understand. Now you and your children are going to be safe from Saima’s evil ways.”

I was shocked. The decision God had taken was the right solution but it took me time to grasp it. With so much love, tolerance and care God had explained His solution to me.

All along, I believed I was making God understand me while in reality, it was God helping me understand Him!

Note: This post is dedicated to  America On Coffee.

Offering God An Apology – 2

Offering God An Apology – 1

This memoir of my life starts on one beautiful day of early 2012.

I had just joined Dar-ul-Ishaat as a web developer when God’s angel came to me and I saw a vision.

I saw myself sitting on a sofa in the lobby of some university’s dormitory, where my Monia, my soulmate, was studying.

In front of me was a counter and there was the Counter Guy standing there.

On my right hand was the door. A stupid guy entered, came down the couple steps and went straight to the Counter Guy.

He had come with his arms dangling in a disrespectful manner and asked for Monia.

The Counter Guy rebuked him and that stupid, ill-mannered guy turned around and went straight out.

That amazed me because I wondered “Who is this guy whose orders are obeyed by all and sundry?”

I looked at the Counter Guy to see his face but I observed that I was unable to see his face.

Then I woke up.

“We’re not allowed to see the face of God”, say the Jews.

I sat up and thanked God for saving my Monia for me and taking good care of her through all the years.

He had saved her for me despite my sincere request to marry her to a nice guy who’d treat her well after she had refused my marriage proposal in late June, 1997.

In fact, it was me who had asked her why she won’t go see her mom back in August 1996 soon after I met her for the first time.

She had pointed her finger to her eyes and said “al-Haman” (The neighbors will see me).

But when I slept with her, I took away her shyness because I don’t shy from nor fear bad guys.

Weren’t it these same neighbors who had rushed to save her from the assailants when they had heard her shouts for help and sent the assailants to 10 years of prison?

Weren’t these donkeys aware of Monia’s innocence and assailants’ fault?

Why should one fear or shy away from such idiots?

In the morning, a wicked idea came to me and I offered Monia to escort her till the main square of Immouzzer and she agreed.

Once we reached the turn of her street, I kissed her lips and she kissed me back.

We didn’t fear anyone. We didn’t shy from anyone. We kissed passionately in the main square of the little town of Immouzzer.

Nothing bad happened. No one objected. And why would they?

Weren’t we free people?

By next year, she got rid of all her shyness because I’d frequently take her out and she’d hold my arm. Once, she sat on my laps and we enjoyed a cup of tea.

Sometimes, we’d lip-kiss and show our affection to the world.

In a year’s time, I helped her get rid of fear & shyness and she fool listened to me, refused my marriage proposal and went back to her mom!

It was me who had spoiled our marriage plans!

I did that because I loved her so thoroughly and God had asked me not to take her away from her mom; otherwise she was going to miss her mom.

That’s why I don’t regret my actions.

I had advised her to go back to her mom for her own good because she had left her mom in Fes and had come with her aunt to Immouzzer.

But even after seeing that vision, I fool had failed to see the obvious.

That’s why God resent the angel (whom the Jews call ‘Gabriel’) and I saw the second vision.

I saw I was entering a gymnasium. Monia was the instructor and I was her only client.

She lied down on a blue mattress, threw her hips in the air as my wife, Saima, used to do whenever she enjoyed sex and said “Make love like this!”

Then I woke up and sat up.

I was at a loss to understand. I thought “Why God always asks me to love Saima? Why doesn’t He ask Saima to love me? And why was Monia copying Saima’s ways? Does God want to tell me that Saima no longer loves me? Why? Don’t I already know that?”

I mean what’s the point?

I was so confused. I just kept wondering about God’s strange ways.

Then I suddenly got it: God was telling me “I’m going to dissolve your marriage to Saima and marry you to your Monia”!

I immediately advised God against doing such a horrible thing. I presented my apology to God with all due respect.

I said “No, dear God, don’t you do that, please. Think about my children. I got little children and they’re going to miss their mom and cry “Ma… Ma! What will happen to my poor children?”

“So what should I do then?”, asked God, my Lord.

“Don’t do anything. I don’t want Monia, I want Saima because I got two children now and the children want Saima, not Monia” I said.

“But Saima doesn’t love the children. She uses them. She’s spoiled their school year. She distorts their minds by her continuous bickering & fights.” Said God.

“She indeed is very selfish & evil. Tell you waht. Kill her!” said I, offering God a better solution.

Continues  here.

Offering God An Apology – 1