My Strange Divorce – 7

This memoir starts from  My Cinderella.  Thank you.

“The lyrics are not very eligible and I don’t know how to sing anyway.” I finally decided to give up and apologize.

She giggled and said “These are the names of recent popular songs of Bollywood movies that my children like.

“I’d like you to download them and put a copy on my flesh disk”.

She then read me the names of those songs. Some of them were romantic but some were very explicit. Even their names were dirty like “Gandi Baat” (Sex Stuff).

She had so successfully fooled me that even my boss’s partner, Asad, also had no doubts about her implicit interest in sex & adultery.

She said she’ll be back in an hour and as soon as she left, Asad recommended charging her Rs20 per song. I said “We can’t do that because for Rs50, one can get disk load of all popular songs within minutes from shops specializing in such stuff and he agreed.

She came after about an hour with her children, took a copy of all the songs for Rs40 and went away.

A couple days later, she came alone and was about to enter my office when she noticed my scary-looking boss, Mr. Mansoori, and went away.

I wondered what made her run away.

That night, I felt tired and decided to take a bus home. The bus driver had a very romantic song that said “There’s none like you in this world”.

The singing girl strangely kept repeating those words and I felt as if she was telling me something. I waited for that stuck player to move on but it won’t.

Finally, I gave up and said “OK, God, I get it. I’m special” and the song then moved on with the rest of the lyrics!

I thought I must be suffering delusions because no one else seemed to have noticed anything weird.

I asked a friend to give me a copy of that song and when I heard the song, it had no repetitions. I asked my friend to find that songs’s remix version in which those lyrics are repeated.

He found only one remix and it, too, had no repetition of those words!

Then I believed.

God had made me very attractive & irresistible to women for some reason.

That lovely woman had interest in me and she wanted me to hear the lyrics, “Enough civilized talk. Now I’m going to do sexy stuff with you”.

She learned her lesson and never again thought of sex with strangers.

Now Let me explain my Father a little.

In early 2004, I was visited by the angel of God and I was shown a vision.

I heard a voice telling me “If you complete 10 years of joblessness, I’ll give you a great job.” I then was shown a beautiful street of Casablanca.

Then I woke up.

I told my wife I intended to move to Rawalpindi because a great job was waiting for me there.

She was reluctant. She hated living in rental houses where the landlords give troubles to extort additional money.

But I said God had promised me a job, a house and a car.

She said she didn’t want to leave that beautifully-decorated apartment of mine.

She lied to deceive me.

She then started having electric shocks while having a shower or doing laundry.

It was a weird experience because I, too, used to take daily showers and help her in laundry but never experienced electric shocks.

I conjectured some idiot must have wired the ground wire to the water pipes and advised her to fill the bucket, close the tap and then bath from the bucket’s water.

She still suffered a shock!

I also advised her to remove the plug before putting her hand in that damn washing machine.

But she still suffered shocks!

Then one beautiful day, I showed her a Hollywood horror movie named INFESTED.

She then felt sleepy and had a nap.

After a while, I heard her scream and rushed to her. She had a nightmare of flies infesting her body!

I comforted her and promised not to again show her those damn, good-for-nothing horror movies.

We then started having a German cockroach infestation problem that started from our kitchen but slowly kept spreading everywhere.

I went to the market and bought best roach-killing liquids, added them together and sprayed. All roaches were exterminated.

Problem solved.

My wife once again lied down to enjoy a siesta. Again, she screamed and I rushed to save her.

She just had seen another wicked dream in which she saw a scary, ugly roach telling her “This apartment belongs to us, not to you”!

Then the roaches started spreading back.

My wife is definitely not a superstitious, is she?

But I am.

Soon after completing my MCS (Master of Computer Science) studies in June, 2004, I put it to her in black & white.

“I’m moving to Rawalpindi with or without you. You can continue living in this beautiful apartment or come with me. That choice is yours.”


My Strange Divorce – 7

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