My Strange Divorce – 6

This memoir starts from  My Cinderella.  Thank you.

Besides God and His angels, sometimes, the evil men also tell truths. My evil boss, Mujahid Mansoori had also told me the truth about my handsome looks and his expectations of women starting to come into his office because of me.

I laughed it off as a friendly complement.

I was wrong.

Before the Eid, a woman came with her friend to get a resume printed.

She told me she didn’t want her husband’s number on the resume and gave me her father’s address and phone number instead.

She told me she was also looking for a small & affordable house for rent.

I made her a resume, jotted down her rent request and she went away.

But she came back a couple days later.

She asked me how much I was going to charge her to teach her about computers. I asked for Rs500 for basic know-how.

She asked me for a discount and I said “What about Rs200?”

“You’re an angel,” she said.

I fool continuously failed to understand her because if you play tricks on me, I won’t understand you and that’ll frustrate you.

She asked me if she could take the classes in the mornings, when there are not many customers to attend to and I said “Aye”.

When they came in the morning, she asked me to pull the curtains and I pulled them closed.

I started telling them about Blaise Pascal and his adding machine, circa 1642.

Her friend interrupted me and asked me if she could use the computer and I let her use my computer.

She then quickly created a Facebook page for her friend and filled it with her data and some shares.

“Hey, you know computers better than me!” I exclaimed and they started giggling.

The next day also was not anymore fruitful. Her friend played with Internet, found a pic of Mahnoor Baloch, a hot Pakistani celebrity and asked me if her friend looked like her.

“They look like sisters” I agreed and they started giggling again.

Then came Eid holidays and the office was closed for four days.

On the second day of Eid, the angel of God visited me and I saw a vision.

I saw myself lying on a street. A he-horse and a she-horse were also lying on their sides on that street.

Then the she-horse crawled closer to the he-horse, lip-kissed him and went to sleep.

Then I woke up.

I texted that hot, beautiful client, telling her how beautiful she was.

Her reply came after a while, thanking me.

I told her she was as hot as Mahnoor Baloch, the hottest Pakistani celebrity.

She replied with a smiley.

Now we were talking.

I then talked business, “Although you belong to a decent family, you do not mind schmoozing, do you?”

It took her 7 hours to decipher my strange question. At last, she realized I had chastised her for her desire to kiss my lips and have a quicky.

She was first glad at my understanding of her desire — albeit being a little late.

She was then flattered by my explicit complements.

But my steadfastness and my decision to correct her, despite finding her extremely hot & desirable, was simply unbelievable.

Even humiliating & evil!

She said “What do you mean ‘suhmoozing’?”

It was obvious she was extremely offended by my way of treating her.

I said “Nothing. Just a customer service job.”

She said “What do you mean ‘schmoozing’? Explain in Udu (Urdu).”

She was fuming in anger. I had hit her where it hurt her the most — at her honor & dignity.

I then told her about Captain Hamid, my good neighbor, who was planning a charity trip to rural areas and who could use some help. She had some basic knowledge of medicine and chemistry.

She never again contacted me!

By putting her indecent proposal through progressively more explicit means, she had exposed her secrets and had fallen prey to her own craftiness.

She was no longer in a position to deny her sexual advances, despite being married, could she?

They had knowledge of real estate agents’ habit of keeping furnished rooms for illicit sex. That’s why she had asked for an affordable room first.

Failing that, she thought of using the office. It had a lock and curtains — a perfect place for a quicky.

After the Eid, I had my second encounter.

A woman came with heavy make up and dressed as if she had just come from attending a wedding party.

She looked pretty.

I enjoy looking at such women and girls — from a distance.

She had brought her two young children with her and gave me a piece of paper with some jottings and told me she wanted the song on a flash disk.

The writing was not very eligible.

I spent some time trying to understand what it was.


My Strange Divorce – 6

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