Finding My Soulmate – 9

This story begins here. Thank you.

My elder brother, Hamid, is very secretive and never trusts anyone to his plans.

But he likes to brag about his achievements to intimidate us and to rule us like a Yeerk Controller.

Hence, his highly classified, unpunished “book”, The Necessity of Marrying Your Soulmate (1996).

In early 1995, he had asked me whether I ever had received a salary of 8000 rials. I went and kicked my boss’s big, fat ass and he raised my salary to 8635 rials per month.

But this time around, he found something he believed I could never find.

He first asked me if I had ever been sent on a business trip.

I had not.

He enjoyed that superiority for a few days.

He then asked me if I had ever fallen in love.

In my earlier posts you can read about my inglorious past.

And if you know my brother, you’ll also understand my decision to keep silent.

After spending some more days savoring the taste of his glory among the brothers & sisters, he thought of capitalizing on his successes like Abel, son of Adam.

He told me “If someone marries a beautiful woman, he will not fight her because he will have mercy on her.”

This was no ordinary achievement. He had stumbled upon THE most valuable find of the history of mankind without realizing it.

The Yeerk slug (a.k.a. Y-chromosome) in his brain had insatiable appetite for glory and it shows no mercy or sympathy towards the disadvantaged.

We both strove to find a solution to marital problems and it seemed like he had found it but he didn’t like anyone else to enjoy it.

He doesn’t find pleasure in sharing the joys of life with others. He rather finds pleasure in seeing others in agony.

So he enjoyed my misery for a couple weeks and then he decided to add to it.

He told me he intended to marry in the family. Cousin marriages are common & desirable in Islamic countries due to widespread domestic violence.

This meant yet another advantage over me, the only competitor left for him in the family.

God then told him I was going to find that girl-with-unmatched-beauty and marry her!

This freaked him out.

He waited a few days and then came to tell me a lie to keep me away from his treasure. He said “I think I’ll marry a poor widow so that she’ll always thank me”!

I was at a loss to understand his sudden change of mind. I thought his original plans were good while the new ones reeked of evil.

I had no intentions of marrying his lover but that’s how Hamid portrays me to my siblings.

In August 1996, it was the time for my vacations and by that time, I had given up the search for THAT GIRL because I had lost all hope in ever finding her.

So I prayed to God that “I found alcohol in Turkey (1993) and Jordan (1995) but I never even touched it because I could live without liquor.

“But I can’t live without women and I doubt going to heaven. So please give me the pleasure of women before I die,” thus I prayed.

He asked me to go to Morocco.

“It’s indeed a tourist country, Arabic and it’s small, just as God had been disclosing to me since 1993,” I observed.

But He asked me not to serve any Islamic ritual prayers or else, He wasn’t going to show me the girl He had liked for me.

I and Hamid weren’t much into ritual prayers anyway. We only used to serve Friday prayers.

“And if you also include a tour of Schingen Countries, then I promise to get you a business trip to USA,” said God.

I and Hamid had always dreamed of visiting USA since our youth.

I went to the Moroccan Consulate and applied for a multiple visa. The Consul came to hand me my passport by his own hand.

I then saw Safi there, my co-worker, Talib’s brother.

I asked him if he too was planning a tour of Morocco.

He showed me his Moroccan passport and told me he was there to get it renewed.

He thought he could help a fool who didn’t know they were Moroccans, not Palestinians, after all that time.

He told me the best girls were to be found in Casablanca and advised me not to waste my time elsewhere.

When I returned home, God told me “You’ll not listen to Safi’s advice and you’ll not sleep with any girls in Casablanca”!

That was a weird commandment.

I had failed such an advice about Istanbul in ’93, much to my loss.

But my God is a jealous Lord who doesn’t let me follow the wisdom of the world.

When Hamid learned about my plans to visit Morocco, he advised me to pay a visit to Zohra Kaluti in Rabat (and rape her.)

She’s our eldest brother’s ex-wife!


P.S. This post is dedicated to BeautyBeyondBones , for being one of my best readers

Finding My Soulmate – 9

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