Finding My Soulmate-5

This story begins here.

That Thursday was a very beautiful day of Spring.

As soon as it struck 1pm, I immediately headed to my lovely Pritima, the beautiful aphrodite whom I loved since I was 17.

I found her waiting for me.

I was on time.

I’m always on time in such important matters!

But she didn’t suggest any restaurant.

Instead, she asked me to go downstairs with her where nobody was going to disturb us.

We went downstairs.

It looked like an in-patients’ ward but there was no one there except for a guy moving an oxygen bottle out.

She waited some time, gathered her courage and finally..

She said “I can’t accept this. We can’t continue seeing each other.”

She took me by complete surprise.

What could be her reason for rejection? Weren’t we perfect till last time? What went wrong?

But she didn’t elaborate.

She said it was something I wasn’t going to understand!

That really pissed me off.

I was pissed off and I was speechless.

Doesn’t one deserve at least an explanation?

Even a lame excuse?

I was very disappointed in her.

“She did it on purpose,” I thought.

My heart was broken and shattered into innumerable pieces.

After a while, I started trying to figure out her suspicious, cryptic statement.

I mean think about it: You have been dating a grown up, mature woman of 51 who has been married and has an adult daughter.

She is highly educated, has lived enough time in a Western country to qualify for their citizenship.

She is not just a household woman but she works in one of the most prestigeous medical hospitals of Saudi Arabia but…

She doesn’t know why she can’t accept a marriage proposal!

Hey, I wasn’t even going to propose to her yet. I wasn’t going to sleep with her either.

We had not even kissed yet…

We were very noble people.

Even God-fearing people yet…

I was just going to say “I LOVE YOU”.

Does that hurt?

But she says she can’t accept that.

She says we can’t continue seeing each other.

And she says she can’t explain that.

Of course she can’t!

She is a bi*ch, that’s why!

That’s how I had reasoned.

Yes, my dear ladies and gentlemen, she must have been a bi*ch.

She must have been a professional heart-breaker.

She did it on purpose, didn’t she?

She wanted to humiliate me.

She found no pleasure in a genuine romance because all she was interested in was a one night stand…

which she had failed to get after many visits.

Hence, she concluded I was not a good client.

I was too reluctant, too noble and too much into romance.. while she was there for… money.

Yes, money.

Quick, cheap money.

Don’t people go to and love Saudi Arabia for the sake of easy, tax-free money?

Quick, cheap money.

Evil Eve.

Always to be found near the Forbidden Tree!

A scholar once had told me “evil” meant “Eve’s way” just as “manual” was driven from “man”.

I thought up a plan to humiliate her.

To teach her it’s not the way to treat a gentleman.

I spent good seven days thinking up a plan.

Perfecting it.

A salesman named Emad was willing to help me bring her to me.. naked.

Here’s my perfect plan…

This story continues here.

Finding My Soulmate-5

Finding My Soulmate – 4

This story begins here.

God reveals That Girl!

She’s 51 years old while I’m 29. Oh my, she’s so beautiful and perfect and her voice..

Her voice is the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard.

She offers her daughter to me but I’m interested in the mother and we fall in love..

Me: 🙂
Pritima: 🙂
God: 😉

I start meeting Dr. Pritima regularly.

I make sure I wear best perfume and I dress to impress and my magic was .. working wonders.

God had shown me a movie to teach me a few more etiquettes of handling ladies. It was the Hollywood movie, Fright Night. I learned the taste of good dress and gentleman manners from the vampire!

Remember what he says to Charlie: “Don’t lose your temper, Charlie.. It isn’t polite!”

How cool, how mindful.. Jerry Dandrige is definitely the epitome of a gentleman!

One day, Pritima asks me to visit her after hours.

When I arrive at her gynaecology clinic at closing time, I notice how it’s crowded.

The Filipino attendant smiles when she sees me. I ask her to tell Dr. Pritima that I could come some other day.

She tells me Pritima had been waiting for me since morning.

Then she goes in to announce my arrival.

She returns with an even wider smile “No, she’ll meet you today and right away in a few minutes.”

I’m fully aware today is our big day. We’ll have a romantic dinner during which I’ll express my love.

I’m not even feeling anxious..

I’m feeling confident.

It’s interesting how young people do not worry. I mean I had no idea where we could go for a dinner but I still was cool.

I tell God age is not a problem and I’m not interested in having children. The population explosion had its worst effects on the Saudi economy. I try to tell God about true love and population explosion problem and He likes that.

After a while, a patient comes out and the attendant calls me in.

Some patients were curious to see a male visitor in that department who didn’t fit. All Dr. Pritima’s male visitors used to be either pharmaceutical agents with bulky bags or doctors but this guy..

This guy looked and smelled like a date!

Dating is considered a taboo in Saudi Arabia and all patients were female and envied Dr. Pritima.

I went in.

She was wearing a very beautiful dress.

She apologized for unexpected number of patients.

I told her I didn’t mind.

We talked for a while. The attendant brought us tea.

She took a sip. She was looking for proper words.

After a few more sips while perusing her book of appointments, she asked me if I could visit her on Thursday 2pm (in 1995, Thursdays used to be half days and the first day of weekends in Saudi Arabia.)

She thought a lunch would be a more appropriate time, especially in a country like Saudi Arabia.

“Sure, it’s a date.”, I agreed. We could spend some more time together because of the weekend, I thought.

This story continues here.

Finding My Soulmate – 4

Finding My Soulmate-3

This story begins here.

In October 1993, I move to a third company of Dallah Group with a very good salary and an interesting job.

One day in spring 1995, I receive a call from a client with a sweet voice named Pritima.

She tells me she can’t use our services on her home phone.

I give her the simple instructions of switching her phone from “pulse dialing” to “tone dialing” but she insists on getting home service.

I’m very good at serving customers and I never mind their silly demands. And I find a peculiar pleasure in serving women & children.

I visit her at al-Salama Hospital where she’s a medical doctor and she takes me to her home.

In fact, women aren’t allowed to drive cars in stupid Saudi Arabia so it’s actually me who takes her to her house in my car.

During that seemingly uneventful ride to her home, she silently falls in love with me.

One thing about my car and my driving. I had a Nissan Sunny, which is a very comfortable car and I used to keep my car in excellent condition.

Also, I’m an extremely gentle driver. My car doesn’t run.. it glides. There’s an evil reason behind this.

It’s called jealousy.

My mom suffered from Calcium deficiency and I loved my mom like none else. But my brothers..

I had some evil brothers. Asim used to serve her better and Zakir used to take her shopping. Mom used to love them more than me.

I couldn’t stand that. Zakir and others helped me buy a Toyota Corolla in 1992 but it was not comfortable enough for mom.

Then Zakir helped me buy the Nissan Sunny in 1993. That car was good.

Now I could kick Zakir out of my way. I got a perfume and a tissue box holder fixed in my car.

Then I fooled mom into giving me a chance to take her shopping.

She liked my driving style but she told me Zakir was more knowledgeable in the streets of the markets.

Unlike Zakir, I never pushed her to hurry. When I got hungry, I just bought some sandwiches and gently asked mom to take some time out.

She changed her chauffeur!

That’s how I kicked Zakir out. One less evil rival of my love of my mom!

That’s why Dr. Pritima fell in love with me. Women appreciate gentlemen and their gentle ways. They find them irresistible.

Make them feel like a lady and our Father in heaven will bless you.

Once in her home, I switch her phone to tone dialing and she tries her home phone with our services.. It works.

Dr. Pritima had been thinking.

She tells me her daughter is in UK and she shows me her daughter’s photo. She also shows me her British passport.

She was an Indian aphrodite with British citizenship. Oh, she was very beautiful & cute at just 51!

She was about the age of That Girl in the Book. I’m amazed at meeting THAT GIRL… finally.

She tells me she’s widowed.

“All the more sweet”, I reply in my heart.

I got no problems marrying a 51 years old woman while I’m 29, I tell God.

He points out she’s beyond menopause but it’s OK, still, for me.

Everything was perfect. I had found that girl and she was showing keen interest in me.

All we needed to do now was to get married. How hard that could be?

This story continues here.

Finding My Soulmate-3

Finding My Soulmate-2

This story begins here.

My brother Rashid must have regretted rejecting KSU. In KSU, he could have studied Economics in Arabic, which we all speak fluently, instead of studying it in far, far Istanbul in stupid, alien Turkish language which is of no use outside Turkey.

But I respected his choices and tried to play the good brother.

As soon as I finished setting him in his Indian friends’ apartment, God reminded me of THAT GIRL and gave me the next hint. He told me she was on some picturesque mountain top.

I forgot the great Briefing by my good work colleagues about Istanbul’s prostitutes and went to a travel company and asked the agent about nearest tourist mountain city.

He put me on a bus to Bursa.

But Bursa was anything but beautiful. All I found were buses honking their horns in the congested traffic due to Hajj holidays and Baqar Eid festivals (animal sacrifices).

It’s so disgusting a season that it’s alone a reason for a guy like me to thank God for sacrificing His son.

Jesus saved us from a lot of filth but Christians are unaware; they really need to Google on Islamic feast of sacrifices or come experience it first hand.

I was disappointed and confused in Bursa. I could find THAT GIRL nowhere. I went back to travel company and went ahead to Izmir. I found a small zoo there and afterwards, ran into a Syrian cart-pusher selling lemonade.

He refused to take any money from me and gave me two more free especial cups for finally finding someone who spoke Arabic. The poor guy must have suffered his share of Turks’ racism!

He wanted to thank God. Wasn’t a good guy to ask about girls and prostitutes, though.

Then I ran into a bad Kurd guy. I asked him about a place to find bad girls. He cursed me for coming all the way to Izmir looking for bad girls.. instead of the “Colorful Istanbul”.

He was right. How could I forget the Briefing?

I rushed back to Istanbul but by the time I reached it, it was 12am, June 4. And it was bloody cold; I was shivering.

I went to my brother’s apartment without delay and they took good care of me.

They also made sure I was kept away from the bad girls (ugh!) and they all came to see me off at bloody Ataturk Airport at 10am as my flight back to Jeddah was at 1pm.

Such people make you wonder why you paid them $220 and not just $25 they had asked to install a telephone line!

After I returned safe & sound to Jeddah, my bank, NCB ripped me off $1000 traveller checks I had not used and deposited with them.

For a whole year I tried to recover my lost deposit and also to give Rashid an ATM that would work in Turkey without success.

Hamid was closely watching me through my little sister, who found my predicament very amusing. She also found my failure to find a bad girl in Turkey equally amusing.

My brother Hamid then took that opportunity and asked me to leave Rashid and his financial problems to him.

Turned out he knew everything about money transfer and banking stuff.

God told me He let NCB bank rip me off to punish me for listening to my friends instead of trusting Him!

Well, at least I can say I helped solve Rashid’s problems!

This story continues here .

Finding My Soulmate-2

Finding My Soulmate

This is a sterilized story that starts here .

In late February, 1993, I was fired from Management Information Center for advocating “inferior” technology of PCs to Group’s companies in disregard of their heavy investment in IBM mainframes.

My younger brother, Rashid, went to Instanbul for undergraduate studies. But he was having myterious, infinite problems.

I had helped him get admission in my university, KSU (King Saud University) but he had rejected it.

“It looks like baby poop”, that’s how he had described the university and the city, Riyadh.

I had to agree because he had told a truth but wasn’t that a little immature reason to reject free undergraduate studies?

Hamid, my elder brother, told me his plans to tour Syria. I asked him to also include a tour of Turkey to help our poor younger brother.

But he’s a little different sort of a guy. He remembered how Rashid had called our KSU “baby poop”.

After his return from Syria, he told me about a weird incident.

On the last day of his perfect tour, he found a beautiful scene and stopped to take a snap.

Out of the blue came a uniformed officer. He informed my brother that he had violated the law by taking a snap of a classified premises.

“How’s that?” my brother wondered.

The officer showed him a building in the background that looked spooky and had certainly appeared in the shot.

Hamid had to admire that officer.. for his politeness.

He told Hamid he could book him indefinitely on charges of spying. That could ruin his career in Saudi Arabia where he worked for P&G.

But the officer made him a terrible offer. “If you give me your camera, I’ll just pull out the reel and return the camera back to you right away.. and you can walk away with your ‘crime’.”

That was a terribly good offer in notorious Syria. So Hamid thanked that officer for his politeness. But the snaps..

The snaps were lost.

When I heard that weird story, I felt sorry but knew it was God’s mysterious way to correct him for not agreeing to help Rashid. God only corrects good people.

Weird God!

Hamid was also very happy for my inferior job as Data Entry Operator in Dallah Telecom as he dislikes equality.

When it came the time of Hajj holidays, I went to Turkey.

God then reminded me of That Girl (I had seen in 1983) and told me she was in a tourist country.

I asked my colleagues for some advice and got full briefing.. in where to find prostitutes and the correct way to bargain for more than half an hour!

See, I’m an idiot with small brain and all loose screws. I only learned women’s genitals were different from a man’s less than a year ago (God had helped me order porn from Sexy Software — nice guys and girls there.)

So I deserved a COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE, didn’t I?

And God had kindly provided that.

Turned out my brother Rashid just suffered from racist Turks in the dormitory so I gave him some $220 and his Indian friends were so excited, they gave him a dedicated room in their apartment and also gave me a royal tour of Istanbul.

They also made sure their royal guest was… kept away from bad girls!

(This story continues here .)

Finding My Soulmate

The Mystery of Disjoint Letters

Billions have read Quran since more than 1400 years but none have succeeded in cracking the puzzle of disjoint letters appearing in the beginning of 29 chapters of Quran.

But I can explain what others can’t because no one has known Jesus as I have.

I was serving my jail term, reading Quran when the Voice told me these letters are God swearing by them. That was weird.

It’s a very common habit of Arabs to swear by stuff. How come no one could figure this simple puzzle out?

Because its time had not come. That’s why.

Now anyone can go check my explanation and see for himself whether I’m telling the truth or not.

Even if a single occurrence fails my explanation, it’ll mean I’m wrong.

The good news is that God’s voice is no longer a privilege. Jesus says “My sheep hear my voice and follow me”. In another place, he says “my sheep knows my voice and follows me and I call them by their names”.

I have a personal relationship with Jesus as many others do. I just know him better than anyone else.

Hence, no one explains holy books as I do.


The Mystery of Disjoint Letters

The Mystery of Aad & Samood

When our second child was born, it was a girl. I asked my wife to suggest a name.

She said “I love the name ‘Asma’ the most but your brother has already named his daughter ‘Asma’. I love the name ‘Erum’ next.” I said “Erum is the city God destroyed according to Quran”.

She then suggested “Aasia” and I liked it. I said “That’s a beautiful name. It’s Greek and means ‘welcome’. Adam, a Jew born in Greece had named Turkey “Asia” because it welcomed Cain.”

I then looked up “Erum” in my wife’s book of Islamic names because I wondered why Pakistanis named their daughters after an evil city.

The book said it was of Persian origin and meant “garden(s)”!

I was shocked. I told my wife and she named our daughter “Aasia Erum”.

But I then understood the mystery of Aad & Samood who figure prominently in Quran but no scholar has ever been able to find their ruins, making it embarrassing for Muslims to believe in lies and things that don’t exist except in their minds.

Let’s see what Quran says,

ألم تر كيف فعل ربك بعاد؟ إرم ذات العماد؟ التي لم يخلق مثلها في البلاد‎.‎‏

English: have you not seen how your Lord did to Aad? The Gardens of Pillars, the likes of which have never been built in the world.

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon!.

They are one of the 7 wonders of ancient world, aren’t they?

And indeed, “Babylon” is considered the origin of magic (corruption of religion) and mother of all vice by Jews and Christians!

Just listen to BoneyM’s song, “Rivers of Babylon”.

But Quran mixes the destruction stories of Aad and Samood. They refer to the evil Islamic empires of Babylon and Assyria.

Quran also mentions a she-camel in Samood. Whenever you see an animal mentioned in Quran, it means “watch out”.

When our eldest brother, Abid, had his second daughter in 1997, he asked us for suggestions. My little sister suggested “Maha”, which means “Fawn”.

But I had strongly objected and after a while, everyone was convinced “Maha” was an evil name and she was named “Asma”, which is the plural of “name” but can also mean “nobler”.

In 2010, I once met a girl on Internet who asked people to give her a psychic reading and solve her problems. A guy cursed her for being named “Fawn” by her parents.

I gently tried to convince her that she was a survivor of childhood abuse and told her she needed to forgive her parents to succeed in life.

She denied any wrongdoing on the part of her parents. I then challenged her to succeed in life without my help. She cursed me and never again contacted me :).

After a while, I saw her profile on LinkedIn. She’d found a good job and was doing well.

That’s why I dislike bad names: they come true in your life!

God is hilarious, isn’t He?

The Mystery of Aad & Samood